Lists and Cycles

After a tragic event in my life, I have somehow decided that it's going to take a while before I enter into a relationship again. But since I'm still a human person, I have to find ways to meet my needs as a person and these include my need for attention and affection. Hence, I have boylets.

James Marsden. Isn't he dreamy?

Boylets. Definition? Well, I guess you could say that they're like boyfriends without the commitment. It's different from being 'friends with benefits' because it's more complicated than that. In being friends with benefits, there is no possibility of a commitment whereas in my kind of relationship, there is. That is where the complication starts. It takes a strong heart and a big brain to endure this kinds of relationship.

Why is it more complicated? It's because there's a possibility of a commitment later on. When you enter into this kind of relationship, you don't know what's going to happen. That's why when I acquire a boylet, I am very careful because it's too risky to be investing emotions in someone and something I'm not really sure of. It's more complicated because when the fun ends, you don't know how to end it. This is tricky because you don't know how the other person is feeling. Would he care or not? Normally when a girl ends a relationship we just wanted to see if he'd care enough to run after her. We'd like it if he cared. It's not that we want to hurt him. We just want to see if we matter. It's also complicated because one can't make demands. Unlike in real relationships, you couldn't demand that he should see you whenever and wherever so you could do whatever. You just have to go with the flow.

What are the advantages? For starters, there is no actual commitment. You are not obligated to just have one guy at a time. You can have loads and you can just choose from those who want to commit to you. You don't really feel guilty about dumping him or anything because in the first place, you can't break up with someone when you aren't technically together. And as much as this is a complication, the fact that one can't make demands is an advantage. You don't have to change yourself or do something just because he wants you to. You don't have to constantly please him. You don't have to stop flirting with other men. You're not obligated to have sex with him. You don't have to change your hair or your way of clothing just because he wanted you to.

Don't get me wrong. I love the Spice Girls but I never was a fan of their style.

When I was doing a little self-reflection the other day, I realized two things. One is that I always get what I ask for and two is that there is a cycle.

Let's elaborate on the first one, shall we? Two years ago, I remember my friends and I were talking about the guys we wanted to date and we decided to turn it into a list. Mine included facial features, height requirements, age, job, lifestyle and a lot more. Of course, "gwapo" will always be a mainstay in my list. (Sigh...)

My height requirements are 5'4 to 5'8. Age range is two years younger than me up until 30. That time it was 16-28. Job? Well, I'm into the artsy types so if a guy makes a living out of being artsy, it's definitely a plus for me.Not looking like this though.

I also remember my list included guys who smoke and drink.

Smoking and Drinking

I also wished for a guy who's going to leave soon. (Weird? I know.)

Bye!

Lo and behold, I got exactly what I wanted. I met this guy and he's sixteen (when I met him, he said he was 18). He's 5'6. He's gwapo. He's still in high school because he lives in the US. Since he lives in the US, he was only here for Christmas and he was about to leave a week after. After that guy, I modified my requirements a little bit. In other words, I kind of lowered my standards. He doesn't need to be gwapo just as long as he isn't an eyesore. Shia La Beouf is lowering standards? Sheesh.

I also changed my mind about him leaving soon. I just wished that he'll be too busy with school or work. Also, I said that it would be okay to date someone two years younger but maybe when I'm 22. All the rest remain the same. Then I met this guy, he isn't gwapo but definitely not an eyesore. He's less than a year older than me. He's an architecture student. He's 5'6. And he's not leaving anytime soon and he is a busy person and he barely had time for me. Obviously, I got everything I asked for but it didn't work out that well. Time for modifications again. I only modified the part about being too busy and drinking and smoking. I do not like my guy to be a smoker and drinker because what if he turns out to be the one? I don't want him dying anytime soon. So, I met this guy and well, I can't say anything yet because it's an ongoing project. Hehe.

Let's move on to the second one. Yes, I noticed that there is a cycle with the guys I 'date'. First stage is the "Meeting." Duh! No need to explain. Flowers?

The second stage is the "Texting/Calling Every Freakin' Second of Every Freakin' Minute of Every Freakin' Hour of every Every Freakin' Day!" It's elaborated enough.Oh Crap! No signal!

The third stage is "Officially, He's out of the Friend Zone." This is where I find out that he's not after friendship but something deeper but well, time is needed for a relationship to bloom. LOL

The fourth stage, "OMG! I think I Like Him!" This is serious. I have to do something to make this work. This feels nice...

The fifth stage is, "Where Is He?" He suddenly becomes busy. He still keeps in touch but not as much as before when we were still in the second stage. This usually comes with valid reasons from the other party like work and/or school. Where the hell is he?

The sixth stage is, "Desperate Measures". This involves excessive texting, getting all worked up and moody and worst case scenario is dumping him either directly or indirectly. Scary!

The seventh stage is "His Realizations." He realizes that he really does like me and he keeps in touch regularly often setting up dates and etc.

So Cute!

The eight and final stage is, "I'm Bored." The excitement is over. I have my catch and what's next? Nothing. I'll stop replying. I won't stay up late anymore. I'm out to find the next one so this stupid cycle can begin again.

Boring!

I usually get to the final stage of the cycle but sometimes it could end somewhere else. It could end just after the second stage because or maybe later in the sixth stage. It takes a month or two for the cycle to complete itself. It could end differently though. For example, when it's the final stage, the guy could do something like proclaim his undying love for me (Cheesy, I know) and demand that we have a relationship and I could either accept the idea or reject it. He could also dump me if he doesn't like me at all.

This kind of relationship is usually fun but well, it can get tiring especially towards the end. I don't like hanging around for too long. It's not a good idea because I end up disappointed. I only hang around when I feel that there could be something special but then it takes too long. I don't like waiting.

Waiting...

I like the traditional courting better. It's less complicated and I get to be sure that he really does like me. I am also in control. There are flowers and chocolates and jewelry. But it's only heaven when you like him back. When you don't, it's only mean to keep him hanging around, waiting for your sweet yes. In that case, get advise from a professional dumper. If that's not feasible, you could always text him or drop him a 27 second phone call. I know of someone who dumped his girlfriend through e-mail. If you're going for subtle yet dramatic, try this: Change your status to Single on Facebook. He'll definitely notice. Others will too.

Try this. It might work. LOL

I'm really hungry. I haven't had dinner yet and it's 5:06 AM already. I'm not sleepy because I slept the whole day. What I just said was totally out of topic. Haha. Anyway, I can't think anymore. I was thinking of a genius conclusion to all the hullaballoo I was doing but I got nothing. I'm sorry. I'll edit this as soon as I think of one. Haha.

Manhid!

I remember being in a relationship a long time ago and his main problem about me is that I don't get jealous enough. IKR? Why would somebody have a problem with that?

Well he also said that I'm not sweet enough. I also don't agree with him and also, I don't listen to him that much. That's not all but those are his main problems.


Is it really required for the girl to be sweet towards his man? Does it necessarily follow that when a guy gets a girl, that the girl would be nurturing and caring to him? For heaven's sake, he has his mother for that.


My ex usually gets angry at me when I make fun of him. I remember making fun of his basketball skills. He was a member of the varsity team which I don't really get. I think it's because he's "gwapo" that's why he got through try-outs. He also got mad the time he got a haircut and I said, "ang pangit mo!" Now that I think about it, it's sort of mean.

I was never a sweet child growing up. My parents can attest to that. I do remember giving them cards every occasion which makes me thoughtful but not really sweet. That's me. I show my love in different ways.


Well, this is me. I may be insensitive most of the time but it doesn't mean that I don't really care because I do. I care a lot. I cared a lot about him. I just didn't show it the way that he would see it.


It's always interesting how men look for stuff in women and then realizing it at the last moment they don't like it. I know countless of men who would give the world to find a girl who isn't jealous, doesn't nag and all those stuff they complain about and when they finally do get that kind of girl, they find out that she's bordering into insensitivity and they don't want her anymore. Even if they look insensitive, it doesn't mean they are. They just have ways to show it. They will still get hurt when you leave them.
Oh well, that's life. There will always come a time in one's life where you think you want something and when you finally have it, you realize you never really wanted it in the first place. Complicated? Yeah. I'm dealing with exactly this at the moment. Whew!