Pseudo Relationships! At last, there's a term for that sticky situation we get into when we are more than friends but less than lovers with someone else. My advice to all you ladies, stay away from these kinds of relationships. You deserve more than this!
The word Pseudo Relationship was coined to define a relationship without definitions. There's an irony in there. And thus my first and main reason why we should stay away from these kinds of relationships. Definitions are important. Defining something that has nothing to do with definitions just proves that in order for people to distinguish and make sense of something is to define it and name it. And when you enter into a pseudo relationship, all the time you will wonder what the hell are you doing. In a pseudo relationship, you are neither a friend or a girlfriend, you are somewhere in between and what do you call that something in between? Nothing! You are nothing! Who wants to be nothing?
Another important reason for women not to engage in pseudo relationships is because we deserve better. We should only be with a guy who's sure and has a good handle on stuff. I recently stopped seeing a guy because I don't want to be with a person who isn't sure about me. I don't want to be with someone who just wants to keep me around. I want to be with someone who wants to keep me, for real. I want to be a girlfriend. And I know that guy to be sure about a lot of things. He's sure about his life and where he's going and the fact that he's just keeping me around makes me feel that I'm not worth real time and effort. It makes me feel horrible that I'm the only thing that he's unsure of. It's sad to think that he thinks that there's someone out there better for him than me.
As women, we tend to invest emotionally. We're very emotional people. Sometimes, we can't separate the physical from the emotional and I tell you, a pseudo relationship only focuses on one of those two. You could either be the best friend (the one he pours he heart and soul to, the one he babies) or the one he sexes up. When you're invested in a person, it's not a good thing to be either one. You have to be both. You should be the woman he can't take his hands off and the woman who his heart belongs to. Don't prefer to be one over the other. It's might be worse to be a booty call but being JUST a close friend is bad too when you know you want something more. When you're a close friend, it's going to hurt to think that he doesn't see you physically enticing to want to touch you. And it's going to hurt more when even he sees you naked, he still doesn't want to sex you. And it's going to hurt because his reason is going to be, "I see you as a little sister."
Pseudo Relationships are difficult to handle. You don't know where to place yourself. You don't know how to react to certain situations. You can't be jealous or angry because you have no right to be. You cannot turn a cold shoulder because the person expects you to care. You can't say no most of the time because you're thinking, "I might never see him again" or "I might lose him if I didn't do this". One reason why I wanted to stop seeing the guy I mentioned just a while ago is that I couldn't say no. He's really busy and he seldom has the chance to come and see me so when he does, I jump at the chance to see him. Then I realized that I don't want to be squeezed into someone's schedule. I want to be on the schedule. I want to be part of his agenda. I want his calendar to have "Go on a date with M. Remember to buy her flowers. Roses are her favorite" scrolled down in red ink with a red circle around it. I want to be asked out in advance. I want someone to plan their dates with me. I don't want to settle for, "You hungry? Let's eat. Pick you up in five seconds." It's because I deserve better and I don't want to settle.
When you're in a Pseudo Relationship, you're always going to be second best. Since you're not the official girlfriend (worst case scenario: there is another girl in his life and that is the official girlfriend), everything's going to be more important than you. You'll always be placed second to work, family, friends, basketball practice, sleep, etc.
Engaging in Pseudo Relationships takes a lot of patience. There's a lot of waiting involved. Most often than not, there's a lot of waiting for nothing involved. I am a pretty patient person. I don't mind having my food delayed a few minutes in a restaurant. I don't mind waiting in line. I don't cross the street when the "walk" man is red even when the road is empty. I don't really care if my date arrives a few minutes late (as long as there's a valid reason). In fact, for these things I'll gladly wait because there's a reward in the end. Waiting for my orders in a restaurant just delayed my eating for a few minutes. I'll still be eating in the end and the plus side is the kitchen people and the waiters would like me enough not to do anything to my food. When I'm in line, I'll still be able to enter the theater, pay for my groceries, ride a cab, etc. When I patiently wait for the "walk" man to go green before I walk, it means that I'm sure that I'll cross the street safely. And a date arriving a few minutes late will still mean that I have a date and I get to punish him for being late. :P Waiting in a pseudo relationship could mean that you're waiting for someone who has no plans of showing up. It's like being at his front porch and you ring the doorbell and you wait for him to answer the door but he doesn't because he doesn't live there anymore. The sadder part is you don't have a clue.
Lots of my friends, including me as well, have been victims of these kinds of relationships. It starts out fun at first. It's exciting. You're taking it slow and all that crap. You have the option to date other people. But at a certain point, you'll realize that it's not exciting anymore and you want things to go on warp speed after all it's been a year since you've met and decided to take things slow. You won't want to date other people because you've just realized that you're already emotionally invested in this one person who may or may not be emotionally invested in you. I'm not saying it's wrong to engage in this kind of relationship, it's your life and you choose how you live it. I'm just offering a word of caution. A lot of relationships end in tears but a pseudo relationship generates more heartache than you would expect.
Here's my parting advice: It's not wrong to hope and wait for a person you love but when it's been a long time and you've sacrificed a lot and given him your all and he still doesn't reciprocate, you have to realize at some point that enough is enough. Don't waste years and youth for a guy who wouldn't want to spend a second and a cent for you. He's not and never will be worth it.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the images posted above. Please don't sue me if you're mad that your photo's in here. :)
Posts
